and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
