Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
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I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
