I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
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I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
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We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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