I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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