Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
