u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Randomize
