If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
