It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
