i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
