It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
