wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
