hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
