Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
