I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
