it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
