remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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