I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
