Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
