I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
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It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
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There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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