Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
