Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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