We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I love having hate sex.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
