I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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