tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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