Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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