You don't have asthma, your pregnant
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
