I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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