the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
