if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
