Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
