I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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