My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
