News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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