Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
