belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
