Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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