i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
