You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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