I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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