i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
