I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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