Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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