sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
