my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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