Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.

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  (212): This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING. http://tfl.nu/5495
  Replies (2) Good night (1130) Bad night (1155)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy

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  (318): i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy http://tfl.nu/15j4
  Replies (26) Good night (1450) Bad night (686)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff

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  (850): Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff http://tfl.nu/wuol
  Replies (12) Good night (3669) Bad night (726)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.

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  (580): That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything. http://tfl.nu/fbvq
  Replies (77) Good night (2639) Bad night (4937)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down

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  (940): never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down http://tfl.nu/bj4x
  Replies (48) Good night (5261) Bad night (1081)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...

  (845): View more from New York

  Are you serious?

  (917): View more from New York City

  yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...

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  (917): so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head... (845): Are you serious? (917): yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it... http://tfl.nu/iiih
  Replies (25) Good night (914) Bad night (4511)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.

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  (905): MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it. http://tfl.nu/mzwz
  Replies (40) Good night (5462) Bad night (1570)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?

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  (740): So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot? http://tfl.nu/xzhr
  Replies (16) Good night (4513) Bad night (957)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever

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  (570): Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever http://tfl.nu/sgij
  Replies (86) Good night (3302) Bad night (15411)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked

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  (813): well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked http://tfl.nu/vpbr
  Replies (23) Good night (4180) Bad night (1705)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.

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  (403): Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it. http://tfl.nu/6k4w
  Replies (18) Good night (5083) Bad night (1400)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.

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  (508): Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you. http://tfl.nu/gxjs
  Replies (10) Good night (6338) Bad night (907)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.

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  (205): I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that. http://tfl.nu/zu4z
  Replies (9) Good night (1155) Bad night (2444)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms

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  (425): I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms http://tfl.nu/pltl
  Replies (7) Good night (777) Bad night (455)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.

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  (770): One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him. http://tfl.nu/gw4o
  Replies (4) Good night (533) Bad night (226)

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