And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..