if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am