yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks