I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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