my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
