Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You have to summon your inner elephant
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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