I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
