I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
