You made me cry and you don't even care
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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