No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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