I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
pop tarts are not kleenex
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
