omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I wish I only lived at night.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
