that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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