Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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