i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
