Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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