Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i would punch a child for taco bell
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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