Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
