I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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