i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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