She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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