i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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